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A DECADE OF DEMOS (2007 - 2017)

by Dakota Loesch

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1.
THE BASMATI RICE we can cut it up tonight if you can wait till 5am meet me outside, i'll tell the boss that you're my ride i'll be jealous that you're high till you say i've got a surprise for you tall boots and furball cap you're all cute and all that we can cut it up in threes, save some for the morning amen, glory, glory, this is exactly what i need after all night on my feet just thinking i wanna be high with you and after every pipe is beat i'll wink cuz i wanna just lie with you in your room without our shoes no sheets, no zebra grooves no sneakers, no tall boots drumroll into you dum-dum-dum-dum-dum dum-dum-dum-dum-dum i'm dumb
2.
PERFECT ALREADY do you remember the name of the first person you kissed with your tongue and whatever you were talking about right before you started making out? or were you way young and just a little drunk and in a parking lot? or some kind of church? or your cousin's house? the fucking school bus? and were your teeth all straight & all perfect already or had you braces on? and was it a good kiss?
3.
MY OH MY 03:08
MY OH MY my love murders me, i figure i can take it and when i cannot take it? well, i figure i should die then you bring up sleep and then you slip me potions and then my tongue gets swollen up but saved by stoned design my babes i love: my hands are clean but in my soul there is a stain don’t touch my hands, don’t touch my clothes just leave my sins and me alone my love neuters me and i figure i can fake it when i cannot fake it? well, i make it my whole life and then you buy some heat and then you sell me something and then my love has hung itself from the telephone line my love murders, tortures me but i don’t hate it and leaves me burnt-up crisp and naked and so glad to be alive my babes i love: my hands are clean but in my soul there is a stain don’t touch my hands, don’t touch my clothes just leave my sins and me alone i get it, i’m dumb, i admit defeat put me in the ground, that type of thing my babes
4.
NOT MY BUGS 02:30
NOT MY BUGS there are things on strings, an old amber ring there are all the men that ever made it to that bed there are hands to hold a black-blue broken nose and there are brand new clothes bought with the dough that the folks sent there are wigs and knives and christmas lights the square someone bummed and their father's gun and there's the long, long, long forgotten canvases there's an old name-tag reading "bothersome"
5.
STILL HIGH STILL i need to snooze i need to reassess my whole life in the morning and stitch it back together and get my act together and hopefully remember where i left my shoes i need a brew i need a couple-few if you wanna be honest i'm sipping on a pothole, i'm sleeping in a bottle and god'll i be funny if i find your booze or your roommate's pills still high still i need a smooch no, i don't really need one but i want one anyways maybe with our clothes off, maybe with our clothes on maybe when the show's done we can kill me too cuz i need to kill for you i need a tattoo of your dome on my temples stitch it in my eyelids, get it in me violent i want to laugh and cry and get spaced out and blue and deathly ill still high still
6.
87 INDIAN BURNER picturebook cut-out stegosaurus imitation dollar store megazord and breakfast for dinner sweatpants in winter handfuls of lake snow to over-eat the bottom of a sled covered in cooking grease four-and-a-half feet i'm four-and-a-half-feet of breakfast for dinner knees growing in summer
7.
CUTE KINGS 04:48
CUTE KINGS problematic am/fm radio and cute kings pink confetti falling off a subway seat hey, that’s me two-and-one-half whole weeks, los angeles county with cher’s new teeth patriotic car stereo static nonsense hey, what’s sleep? unexpected am/pm cameos from us two queens purple lipstick on a cigarette, hey, whose is this? hey, let’s eat two-and-one-half whole years without a pair of keys uh, parakeets unacknowledged flickers of infinity aw, hey, that’s sweet and cute kings and cute kings
8.
SKETCHY PILLS sketchy shit, that’s what i want get me lit or get me off i’m in the mood to help you, dude i’d like to do some sketchy shit with you sketchy pills, that’s what i’m on i pick an ear, i rip it off i drink a beer and i try to chill on sketchy pills with you sketchy blow, that’s what i bought that’s what i did and did a lot now hear me out, give it a shot maybe we smoke this sketchy coke i brought now i’m too stoned now i’m too loose now i’m too sick now i’m to puke now i’m learning to play the steel drums on my neighbor’s roof i oughta quit this sketchy shit i do shit i do, shit i do i oughta quit this shit i do but i’ll admit i love it too i’d love to do some sketchy shit with you
9.
(GETTING OVER) GETTING OVER YOU and now we’re in a room where neither of us lives and the state that we’re in ain’t the place that we met and we’re caught in an act, there’s no chance this can last but this might be the last chance that we’ll ever have and now we’re in a pool, we’re pretending to swim we’ll be holding our breaths for forever again we’re getting older, it takes forever just getting over getting over you no i ain’t sober, and no i ain’t so covert i’m just getting over getting over you and now we’re in a home where neither of us lives that (for practical purposes) doesn’t exist and now we’re in a fog and some form of a raft and we’re splitting a beer that you’ve found in your bag and now we’re in a room, it is just a square room and it’s still not our room but it has a nice view of the dirt and the grass, of three birds and a cat of the ghosts of us both, shallow end, doing laps we’re getting older, it takes forever just getting over getting over you no i ain’t sober, and no i ain’t so covert i’m just getting over getting over you
10.
BIG DOLLAR BILLS big dollar bills, big dollar bills there’s a hole in my soul that i’m about to fill with big dollar bills, big green american dollar bills i can’t chill, not until i’ve got big dollar bills
11.
BAD WHAT YOU DID the innumerable things you compute in your head like the distance from cold beer divided by bed like the pitch of her elbow when you leaned in and said that your numbers won’t save you from that you feel bad about what you did but not bad enough to not do it again you feel fat and you feel thin you don’t feel nothing, you feel everything like the numerous things at the side of her bed like her lighter, her wallet, her pictures of friends the moment you sat there and said in your head that you don’t really love her and that’s why you feel bad about what you did but not bad enough to not do it again (do it again) you feel fat, you feel thin you don’t feel nothing, you feel everything and that’s bad, it’s bad what you did it’s bad enough that you thought of it (do it again) you feel fat, you feel thin you don’t feel nothing except everything
12.
TEFLON PAN 02:38
TEFLON PAN let the ghost go, let it go alone it has been a welcome guest now let it get on its way home let the ghost go, let an old wound close give it air and time and space and let it bathe in battered prose breathe in the cold, dream of windows pray the fists unfold let the ghost go, bask in monochrome do not grow accustomed to the presence of the present lull let the ghost go, let its colors show too broke and a bloody nose the reigning queen of comatose let the ghost go, let that damn thing roam let it get on past this place just let it go
13.
YOU CUT YOURSELF i like it when i cut myself off for you i like it when i get myself off for you the orange line to alameda’s metra station doesn’t exist the older i get while waiting i start thinking love is a myth i cut myself, i fucked myself over again if i loved myself i would leave myself some room to live but you like it when i cut myself off for you and you like it when i get myself off on you you like it when i cut myself off for you and you like it when i get myself off like you you choke yourself, you blow yourself one line of coke you broke yourself, you smoke yourself one final smoke the purple line out to bethesda isn’t gonna jump off a cliff the older i get while waiting i start thinking love’s all there is i cut you lines, you cut me mine, ceiling might move i cut myself to keep myself feeling like you you like it when you cut yourself off for me you like it when you get yourself off for me you like it when you cut yourself off for me i like it when you get yourself off on me (for me)
14.
CEILING DRINK i'm gonna hang myself like christ i'm gonna hold you by the throat i am gonna have coke i'm gonna be stoned the whole ride i'm gonna hang like christmas lights from a chord in my father's home i'm gonna be slow i'm gonna tuck-and-roll the whole ride i'll talk about the fact that i've been dying my whole life i'll talk about the fact that i am dying here tonight i'm gonna hang with mistletoe i'm gonna make myself a goal: i'm gonna implode i'm gonna tell jokes the whole time talk about the fact i've been dying my whole life talk about the fact i'm sorta dying at your side talk about the fact i used to wanna be remembered, but by who? that's why forget it and forget the fucking time you broke my fucking pipe i used to want to be forgotten, but by who? i can't remember so forget the fucking time i blew a hole into your life i'm gonna hang myself like christ from a chain on my father's throat and i'm gonna be gold
15.
SCRAPPER 02:31
SCRAPPER are you a scrapper? like, have you ever been in a fight, got a tooth knocked out or got a big blue & black eye? do you hate all that both in the movies & real life? are you an actor? like... do you like to, like, play fight? you know the fact is i'm the worst fighter you never met. i lost the eyes in my mouth. i've been punched out like a cigarette. can't do it justice, i'm the worst writer you never read. are you an actress? like... do you like to, like, act upset? are you in pictures like in the sense that you go through life like it's a feature length and you're the lead & you lead in the golden light? do you love like that, like it's a flick (maybe black & white) and you're a scrapper and you know how to punch right? do you ever pretend that you know how to punch right or does that just sound silly?
16.
NEW BELMONDO 02:03
NEW BELMONDO dead in love with a hamburger face boiled egg when the morning breaks holding hands with a homemade cake in a bathroom full of champagne denim jacket with a fish's name and her bills unpaid bordering blatant in borrowed clothes running a thumb back-and-forth across a bottom lip a flatline, black dye, bad bangs eighty-seven dollars worth of stovepipe jeans chunks of vicodyn between her teeth plain sweater, nothing underneath one-sided and with two left feet three siblings recently married deadringer for a nobody with her nose bloody bordering blatant in borrowed clothes running a thumb back-and-forth across a bottom lip borderline blatant and nobody knows why you run a thumb back-and-forth across your bottom lip
17.
ANGEL FOOD 03:37
ANGEL FOOD i kissed an older man tonight to prove to you that it's okay to kiss someone that you don't love or even like, baby, it's alright i kissed my other man tonight the one i've loved longer than you and both my legs just fell away no it ain't right, but it's okay i sucked him off my fingertips just hoping it would gross you out you looked so weak and ugly then that's why i raised my left eyebrow i wanted to watch you blown in two i wanted you like a gun in school i wanted you to eat my angel food and my devil, too i kissed another man tonight oh, i kissed another man tonight i watched me hurting you that night i liked what it did to your face i liked, like, seeing you in pain is that alright? is that okay? i slept just fine until, like, 9 got up to make rooibos tea you must've split by 8:15 no kiss goodbye? well, fine, that's fine yeah baby, that ain't nothing big baby, you just drank my blood baby, you're a little kid for your whole life... so what?
18.
SHOULD'VE BEEN A JEFF he asked me your name and i whispered it to him both your first and your middle and right after i had whispered it i realized that i wished i had died right there with your name as the last thing on my fucking lips or, you know some dumb/romantic/semi-homocidal shit like that
19.
EMOTIONAL HOMEWORK there are meaningless numbers i've avoided all summer well, that's what i've got accountants for for 36 hours i was your favorite number and there ain't no accounting for it it's just big, bad emotional homework you got a big, fat grin for the part big, bad emotional homework you've got me doing in the dark and it's messing my days up, metaphysically bankrupt in a shake-up since i known you so i gotta pay-up and that's why i saved-up some semi-spiritual IOUs and some of this big, bad emotional homework like a big, bad promotional shot of a big, bad heartache hangover that i got and it's a big, fat emotional breakdown from my big, sad ass of a heart big, bad emotional homework that we're doing in the dark (doing in the dark) so when all my stocks plummet well, i'll be like "fuck it" and do what a betting man do because babe i ain't bluffing even if i had nothing i would put all my nothing on you yes i do big, bad emotional homework i have big, bad irrational guts big, bad emotional homework taking a big ol' bite of my love big, bad emotional homework big, bad emotional homework big, bad emotional homework big, bad emotional homework
20.
ALL OF THE ABOVE when you leave a place you love you’re actually leaving a space & time that will never exist again and shut up, no, i’m not crying i’m just leaving all my water here, LA is in a drought and i’m stuck inside my head whenever i am heading out cuz i’m all of the above, that’s where i am coming from every single feeling at full blast & all at once so i keep writing diddies for the people that i love whether they’re still here with me or they’re all of the above i’m sick and sad, i’m feeling bad, i’m fucking it all up i’m blessed and glad and (more than that) babe, i can hear my guts they’re writing me a song that’s called “one feeling at a time” but i’m all of the above so i don’t think that song is mine all of the above, yes, that’s where i am coming from i’ve got every single feeling at full tilt boogie & all at once so i just keep writing diddies for these people that i love whether they’re on earth here with me or they’re all of the above when you miss a place you love you’re actually missing human beings and all the brilliant fucked-up ways they make you feel the feelings so yes, i’m drunk at 9AM & i’m crying to a ceiling fan cuz i’m in love with all of them, yeah, all of the above
21.
SHARONA ESCOBAR she grew up with knuckle scars a vaccine mark on her right arm ladies and gentlemen, sharona escobar she fell out of a car some blood got lost, she saw a cross and it wasn't far for sharona escobar she raised kids and they raised hell she raised a sixty-three-pound beagle as well here's one from the heart for sharona escobar and happy birthday, too happy birthday to you dear sharona, sharona escobar one quick tune, two guitars one's october, the other's march equal parts sharona escobar gladly boasting sharona escobar and birthday toasting sharona escobar
22.
A BRIEF LIST OF HER ZITS a quick check of the chinks in her armor a loud mouth on the lady madonna a short walk to the shit she's hooked onto a roommate with the best marijuana and a penchant for making an entrance an inexpensive high that she mentions a grin when she's not paying attention this crush ain't a word, it's a sentence and she bleeds it like a slit wrist you know she's not keeping track you know she's not paying tabs you know she's not keeping quiet in the back of a cab you know she's not good for you you know she's not all that bad you know that scorpio shit? that shit is kind of her jam a flash-bang in the form of a vision attacking the floor with precision a long list of the boys she ain't missing a short list of the boys she ain't kissing an impassionate take on impromptu a mid-afternoon change-up of costume a quick glance that you get when she's got you a long look that you get when she wants you a brief list of her ticks and her habits a brief list of her tricks and her magic a brief list of her kicks and her jackets a brief list of her zits and her blackheads a brief list of her fits and her racket a brief list of key-bumps in the bathroom a brief list of her lips and her neck and her tits and her knees a brief taste of her kiss if you're asking and she bleeds it like a split lip she's a brief list, i wanna read it not keeping track you know she's not paying tabs you know she's not keeping quiet in the back of a cab you know she's not good for you you know she's not all that bad you know that scorpio shit? that shit is kind of her jam
23.
I'M A DIFFUSER a new bloody nose, baby i'm talking about coats five feet worth of south, she's barely seen cold corkscrew up her back by two diamond blades she's cohorts with a weapon, she's engaged to be maimed and i tell her oh baby, i'm a diffuser slow mo so low, some low angle grinning this is my jam: wife-beaters on women and i tell her baby, i'm a diffuser in the game of luck baby, i'm a diffuser in the game of luck and i need someone to collect all my blood to inventory my bones, my teeth and my gums inventory the window, the oven, the tub inventory the lies and then what justifies them inventory the places that i claim that i'm from to invent and inventory for what i have become i've become a diffuser i've become a diffuser i've become a diffuser i've become a diffuser
24.
HAIR LIKE ROMANS let's cut our hair like romans let's eat a chapbook let's drink till day has broken into four parts let's build a name for our car if books should burn communally if teeth should turn to weaponry let's have our cloaks and overcoats ready let's get our cloaks and overcoats ready
25.
UH-HUH (ALRIGHT) button my lip to save my soul cut off my face to spite my nose that’s right you know you’ve got that right you know you’re goddamn right alright, uh-huh who is this fool singing my song? got a slack jaw a half-mile long and that’s wrong you know you’ve got that wrong you know you’re goddang wrong uh-huh, uh-uh no way, uh-uh, uh-huh rent my room and sell what i got call up my friends and tell them i’m not alright you know i’m not alright you know it’s not alright uh-uh, uh-huh no way, uh-uh, uh-huh m-mm, m-mm, uh-huh
26.
JET BLACK AND BLUEBERRY could you love a sidekick? no guts, no gridiron, no grit do you like to mosh pit? dressed up like an ugly little cossack as if sadism isn't a violent prospect with a hairpin teach me how to lock-pick could you use a side-stitch? do you name the things that you get high with? have you met my cousin? should we get a bite to eat or something? would you mind much if i don't say nothing? just staring at your coffee (black) and blueberry muffin do you want a chorus? is there room for me inside your taurus? is there room for me inside your forehead? i make a decent sidekick but it's not important
27.
AND LEARNING TO DIVE they didn't come for that junk they came to watch us drop our guts and faceplant here's to a series of unravelling saturday nights we didn't come to get drunk we came to kill lights, to kill us & them too here's to a seriously unravelling version of life you didn't come here to stalk you came to break shit and get fucked and woo-hoo here's to a stereo unravelled in the version you like i didn't come here to bluff i came here to fuck myself up on concrete here's to one cerebral hemorrhage underneath the white lights she didn't come here to talk she came to explode like a cut and ooze, too here's to serial gravel in the treads of her bike he didn't come here to talk he came to blow all his bad luck up a tube here's to cerberus unravelling his claws in my eyes cuz nobody came here to talk but they all wanna catch up and boo-hoo here's to absolutely nothing and learning to dive
28.
MAN ENOUGH TO BE YOUR WOMAN might tell you about his neck scar might tell you about his next car so don’t mention who your friends are he could use his two hands to kill another man but is he man enough to be your woman? won’t say where he’s driving to won’t say who is behind you and don’t mention where the knife’s at he could lie on the stand or fly to foreign lands but is he man enough to be your woman? is he man enough to be your little girl? can’t say when he’s coming home can’t say what he’s running from now, don’t mention this to anyone he could snap and lose his head or blow it off instead but is he man enough to be your woman? is he man enough to be your little girl? is he man enough to be your woman? is he man enough to be your lover girl? is he man enough to be your lady? is he man enough to be your woman? is he man enough to be your little girl?
29.
SLEEPING ON MY BACK i’m hunted in my sleep, a hundred dead police it happens when i snore, dad ain’t dead no more he’s coasting by the scene, a ghost in my machine i’m sleeping on my back, since when do i do that? dudes live, dudes die i’m haunted in my sleep by ordinary things it happens on the porch, i get the fucking joke dudes live, dudes die
30.
SAVE ME (A DRINK) there's some weird things i could think kitchen sherry, cooking sink might hear strange tongues when i speak you might have to save me a drink there's some weird shit i could share a lock of heart, a broken hair and i'll be praying that you meet me there hell, i might even save you a beer 1 & 1 & 1 ain't 2 2 & 2 ain't toodle-lou and if we're wrong & hell is true i'll be there holding a beer for you 1 & 1 & 1 ain't 2 2 & 2 ain't nothing new and if we're right & hell has booze i'll be waiting at the bar for you 2 & 2 ain't 2 & 2 2 & 2 ain't toodle-lou ah christ, what will the angels think? god, i guess we'll just save them a drink there's some weird junk i got past there's some questions you don't ask do you think it's fire and smoke? do you think it's just a christmas joke? well, when you're dead what's left to think besides, i hope someone saves me a drink? 1 & 1 & 1 ain't 2 2 & 2 ain'€™t toodle-lou 2 & 2 & 2 is 6 & 6 & 6 it scares the shit outta folks afraid to sleep frank, i think i'll have another drink if yours is real and mine is fake? that's one weird chance i'll have to take and if i die before i wake? i pray the lord my tabs to pay who knows? she might even save me a drink

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A DECADE OF DEMOS (2007 - 2017)

One big grab-bag full of rare tracks, forgotten gems, strange demos, and other oddball tunes recorded here & there with friends & family over the last ten years.

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released January 11, 2017

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Dakota Loesch Chicago, Illinois

pop stoner

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