A DECADE OF DEMOS (2007 - 2017)

by Dakota Loesch

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A DECADE OF DEMOS (2007 - 2017)

One big grab-bag full of rare tracks, forgotten gems, strange demos, and other oddball tunes recorded here & there with friends & family over the last ten years.

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released January 11, 2017

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Dakota Loesch Chicago, Illinois

pop stoner

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Track Name: THE BASMATI RICE
THE BASMATI RICE

we can cut it up tonight if you can wait till 5am
meet me outside, i'll tell the boss that you're my ride
i'll be jealous that you're high till you say
i've got a surprise for you

tall boots and furball cap
you're all cute and all that

we can cut it up in threes, save some for the morning
amen, glory, glory, this is exactly what i need
after all night on my feet just thinking
i wanna be high with you
and after every pipe is beat
i'll wink cuz i wanna just lie with you

in your room without our shoes
no sheets, no zebra grooves
no sneakers, no tall boots
drumroll into you

dum-dum-dum-dum-dum
dum-dum-dum-dum-dum
i'm dumb
Track Name: PERFECT ALREADY
PERFECT ALREADY

do you remember the name
of the first person you kissed
with your tongue
and whatever you were talking about
right before you started making out?
or were you way young
and just a little drunk
and in a parking lot? or some kind of church?
or your cousin's house? the fucking school bus?
and were your teeth all straight & all perfect already
or had you braces on?
and was it a good kiss?
Track Name: MY OH MY
MY OH MY

my love murders me, i figure i can take it
and when i cannot take it? well, i figure i should die
then you bring up sleep and then you slip me potions
and then my tongue gets swollen up but saved by stoned design

my babes i love: my hands are clean
but in my soul there is a stain
don’t touch my hands, don’t touch my clothes
just leave my sins and me alone

my love neuters me and i figure i can fake it
when i cannot fake it? well, i make it my whole life
and then you buy some heat and then you sell me something
and then my love has hung itself from the telephone line

my love murders, tortures me but i don’t hate it
and leaves me burnt-up crisp and naked and so glad to be alive

my babes i love: my hands are clean
but in my soul there is a stain
don’t touch my hands, don’t touch my clothes
just leave my sins and me alone
i get it, i’m dumb, i admit defeat
put me in the ground, that type of thing my babes
Track Name: NOT MY BUGS
NOT MY BUGS

there are things on strings, an old amber ring
there are all the men that ever made it to that bed
there are hands to hold a black-blue broken nose
and there are brand new clothes
bought with the dough that the folks sent

there are wigs and knives and christmas lights
the square someone bummed and their father's gun
and there's the long, long, long forgotten canvases
there's an old name-tag reading "bothersome"
Track Name: STILL HIGH STILL
STILL HIGH STILL

i need to snooze
i need to reassess my whole life in the morning
and stitch it back together and get my act together
and hopefully remember where i left my shoes
i need a brew
i need a couple-few if you wanna be honest
i'm sipping on a pothole, i'm sleeping in a bottle
and god'll i be funny if i find your booze
or your roommate's pills

still high still

i need a smooch
no, i don't really need one but i want one anyways
maybe with our clothes off, maybe with our clothes on
maybe when the show's done we can kill me too
cuz i need to kill for you
i need a tattoo of your dome on my temples
stitch it in my eyelids, get it in me violent
i want to laugh and cry and get spaced out and blue
and deathly ill

still high still
Track Name: 87 INDIAN BURNER
87 INDIAN BURNER

picturebook cut-out stegosaurus
imitation dollar store megazord
and breakfast for dinner
sweatpants in winter
handfuls of lake snow to over-eat
the bottom of a sled covered in cooking grease
four-and-a-half feet
i'm four-and-a-half-feet
of breakfast for dinner
knees growing in summer
Track Name: CUTE KINGS
CUTE KINGS

problematic am/fm radio
and cute kings
pink confetti falling off a subway seat
hey, that’s me
two-and-one-half whole weeks, los angeles county
with cher’s new teeth
patriotic car stereo static nonsense
hey, what’s sleep?

unexpected am/pm cameos
from us two queens
purple lipstick on a cigarette, hey, whose is this?
hey, let’s eat
two-and-one-half whole years without a pair of keys
uh, parakeets
unacknowledged flickers of infinity
aw, hey, that’s sweet

and cute kings
and cute kings
Track Name: SKETCHY PILLS
SKETCHY PILLS

sketchy shit, that’s what i want
get me lit or get me off
i’m in the mood to help you, dude
i’d like to do some sketchy shit with you

sketchy pills, that’s what i’m on
i pick an ear, i rip it off
i drink a beer and i try to
chill on sketchy pills with you

sketchy blow, that’s what i bought
that’s what i did and did a lot
now hear me out, give it a shot
maybe we smoke this sketchy coke i brought

now i’m too stoned
now i’m too loose
now i’m too sick
now i’m to puke
now i’m learning to play the steel drums
on my neighbor’s roof
i oughta quit this sketchy shit i do

shit i do, shit i do
i oughta quit this shit i do
but i’ll admit i love it too
i’d love to do some sketchy shit with you
Track Name: (GETTING OVER) GETTING OVER YOU
(GETTING OVER) GETTING OVER YOU

and now we’re in a room where neither of us lives
and the state that we’re in ain’t the place that we met

and we’re caught in an act, there’s no chance this can last
but this might be the last chance that we’ll ever have

and now we’re in a pool, we’re pretending to swim
we’ll be holding our breaths for forever again

we’re getting older, it takes forever
just getting over getting over you
no i ain’t sober, and no i ain’t so covert
i’m just getting over getting over you

and now we’re in a home where neither of us lives
that (for practical purposes) doesn’t exist

and now we’re in a fog and some form of a raft
and we’re splitting a beer that you’ve found in your bag

and now we’re in a room, it is just a square room
and it’s still not our room but it has a nice view

of the dirt and the grass, of three birds and a cat
of the ghosts of us both, shallow end, doing laps

we’re getting older, it takes forever
just getting over getting over you
no i ain’t sober, and no i ain’t so covert
i’m just getting over getting over you
Track Name: BIG DOLLAR BILLS
BIG DOLLAR BILLS

big dollar bills, big dollar bills
there’s a hole in my soul that i’m about to fill
with big dollar bills, big green american dollar bills
i can’t chill, not until i’ve got big dollar bills
Track Name: BAD WHAT YOU DID
BAD WHAT YOU DID

the innumerable things you compute in your head
like the distance from cold beer divided by bed
like the pitch of her elbow when you leaned in and said
that your numbers won’t save you from that

you feel bad about what you did
but not bad enough to not do it again
you feel fat and you feel thin
you don’t feel nothing, you feel everything

like the numerous things at the side of her bed
like her lighter, her wallet, her pictures of friends
the moment you sat there and said in your head
that you don’t really love her and that’s why

you feel bad about what you did
but not bad enough to not do it again (do it again)
you feel fat, you feel thin
you don’t feel nothing, you feel everything

and that’s bad, it’s bad what you did
it’s bad enough that you thought of it (do it again)
you feel fat, you feel thin
you don’t feel nothing except everything
Track Name: TEFLON PAN
TEFLON PAN

let the ghost go, let it go alone
it has been a welcome guest
now let it get on its way home

let the ghost go, let an old wound close
give it air and time and space
and let it bathe in battered prose

breathe in the cold, dream of windows
pray the fists unfold

let the ghost go, bask in monochrome
do not grow accustomed to
the presence of the present lull

let the ghost go, let its colors show
too broke and a bloody nose
the reigning queen of comatose

let the ghost go, let that damn thing roam
let it get on past this place
just let it go
Track Name: YOU CUT YOURSELF
YOU CUT YOURSELF

i like it when i cut myself off for you
i like it when i get myself off for you

the orange line to alameda’s metra station doesn’t exist
the older i get while waiting i start thinking love is a myth
i cut myself, i fucked myself over again
if i loved myself i would leave myself some room to live

but you like it when i cut myself off for you
and you like it when i get myself off on you
you like it when i cut myself off for you
and you like it when i get myself off like you

you choke yourself, you blow yourself one line of coke
you broke yourself, you smoke yourself one final smoke
the purple line out to bethesda isn’t gonna jump off a cliff
the older i get while waiting i start thinking love’s all there is
i cut you lines, you cut me mine, ceiling might move
i cut myself to keep myself feeling like you

you like it when you cut yourself off for me
you like it when you get yourself off for me
you like it when you cut yourself off for me
i like it when you get yourself off on me (for me)
Track Name: CEILING DRINK
CEILING DRINK

i'm gonna hang myself like christ
i'm gonna hold you by the throat
i am gonna have coke
i'm gonna be stoned the whole ride

i'm gonna hang like christmas lights
from a chord in my father's home
i'm gonna be slow
i'm gonna tuck-and-roll the whole ride

i'll talk about the fact
that i've been dying my whole life
i'll talk about the fact
that i am dying here tonight

i'm gonna hang with mistletoe
i'm gonna make myself a goal:
i'm gonna implode
i'm gonna tell jokes the whole time

talk about the fact
i've been dying my whole life
talk about the fact
i'm sorta dying at your side
talk about the fact
i used to wanna be remembered, but by who?
that's why forget it and forget the fucking time
you broke my fucking pipe
i used to want to be forgotten, but by who?
i can't remember so forget the fucking time
i blew a hole into your life

i'm gonna hang myself like christ
from a chain on my father's throat
and i'm gonna be gold
Track Name: SCRAPPER
SCRAPPER

are you a scrapper?
like, have you ever been in a fight,
got a tooth knocked out or
got a big blue & black eye?
do you hate all that
both in the movies & real life?
are you an actor?
like... do you like to, like, play fight?

you know the fact is
i'm the worst fighter you never met.
i lost the eyes in my mouth.
i've been punched out like a cigarette.
can't do it justice,
i'm the worst writer you never read.
are you an actress?
like... do you like to, like, act upset?

are you in pictures
like in the sense that you go through life
like it's a feature length
and you're the lead & you lead in the golden light?
do you love like that,
like it's a flick (maybe black & white)
and you're a scrapper
and you know how to punch right?

do you ever pretend that you know how to punch right
or does that just sound silly?
Track Name: NEW BELMONDO
NEW BELMONDO

dead in love with a hamburger face
boiled egg when the morning breaks
holding hands with a homemade cake
in a bathroom full of champagne
denim jacket with a fish's name
and her bills unpaid

bordering blatant in borrowed clothes
running a thumb back-and-forth
across a bottom lip

a flatline, black dye, bad bangs
eighty-seven dollars worth of stovepipe jeans
chunks of vicodyn between her teeth
plain sweater, nothing underneath
one-sided and with two left feet
three siblings recently married
deadringer for a nobody
with her nose bloody

bordering blatant in borrowed clothes
running a thumb back-and-forth
across a bottom lip

borderline blatant and nobody knows
why you run a thumb back-and-forth
across your bottom lip
Track Name: ANGEL FOOD
ANGEL FOOD

i kissed an older man tonight
to prove to you that it's okay
to kiss someone that you don't love
or even like, baby, it's alright

i kissed my other man tonight
the one i've loved longer than you
and both my legs just fell away
no it ain't right, but it's okay
i sucked him off my fingertips
just hoping it would gross you out
you looked so weak and ugly then
that's why i raised my left eyebrow

i wanted to watch you blown in two
i wanted you like a gun in school
i wanted you to eat my angel food
and my devil, too

i kissed another man tonight
oh, i kissed another man tonight

i watched me hurting you that night
i liked what it did to your face
i liked, like, seeing you in pain
is that alright? is that okay?
i slept just fine until, like, 9
got up to make rooibos tea
you must've split by 8:15
no kiss goodbye? well, fine, that's fine
yeah baby, that ain't nothing big
baby, you just drank my blood
baby, you're a little kid
for your whole life... so what?
Track Name: SHOULD'VE BEEN A JEFF
SHOULD'VE BEEN A JEFF

he asked me your name
and i whispered it to him
both your first and your middle
and right after i had whispered it
i realized that i wished i had died right there
with your name as the last thing on my fucking lips
or, you know
some dumb/romantic/semi-homocidal shit like that
Track Name: EMOTIONAL HOMEWORK
EMOTIONAL HOMEWORK

there are meaningless numbers i've avoided all summer
well, that's what i've got accountants for
for 36 hours i was your favorite number
and there ain't no accounting for it

it's just big, bad emotional homework
you got a big, fat grin for the part
big, bad emotional homework
you've got me doing in the dark

and it's messing my days up, metaphysically bankrupt
in a shake-up since i known you
so i gotta pay-up and that's why i saved-up
some semi-spiritual IOUs

and some of this big, bad emotional homework
like a big, bad promotional shot
of a big, bad heartache hangover
that i got
and it's a big, fat emotional breakdown
from my big, sad ass of a heart
big, bad emotional homework
that we're doing in the dark
(doing in the dark)

so when all my stocks plummet
well, i'll be like "fuck it"
and do what a betting man do
because babe i ain't bluffing
even if i had nothing
i would put all my nothing on you

yes i do big, bad emotional homework
i have big, bad irrational guts
big, bad emotional homework
taking a big ol' bite of my love
big, bad emotional homework
big, bad emotional homework
big, bad emotional homework
big, bad emotional homework
Track Name: ALL OF THE ABOVE
ALL OF THE ABOVE

when you leave a place you love you’re actually leaving a space & time
that will never exist again and shut up, no, i’m not crying
i’m just leaving all my water here, LA is in a drought
and i’m stuck inside my head whenever i am heading out

cuz i’m all of the above, that’s where i am coming from
every single feeling at full blast & all at once
so i keep writing diddies for the people that i love
whether they’re still here with me or they’re all of the above

i’m sick and sad, i’m feeling bad, i’m fucking it all up
i’m blessed and glad and (more than that) babe, i can hear my guts
they’re writing me a song that’s called “one feeling at a time”
but i’m all of the above so i don’t think that song is mine

all of the above, yes, that’s where i am coming from
i’ve got every single feeling at full tilt boogie & all at once
so i just keep writing diddies for these people that i love
whether they’re on earth here with me or they’re all of the above

when you miss a place you love you’re actually missing human beings
and all the brilliant fucked-up ways they make you feel the feelings
so yes, i’m drunk at 9AM & i’m crying to a ceiling fan
cuz i’m in love with all of them, yeah, all of the above
Track Name: SHARONA ESCOBAR
SHARONA ESCOBAR

she grew up with knuckle scars
a vaccine mark on her right arm
ladies and gentlemen, sharona escobar

she fell out of a car
some blood got lost, she saw a cross
and it wasn't far for sharona escobar

she raised kids and they raised hell
she raised a sixty-three-pound beagle as well
here's one from the heart for sharona escobar

and happy birthday, too
happy birthday to you
dear sharona, sharona escobar

one quick tune, two guitars
one's october, the other's march
equal parts sharona escobar
gladly boasting sharona escobar
and birthday toasting sharona escobar
Track Name: A BRIEF LIST OF HER ZITS
A BRIEF LIST OF HER ZITS

a quick check of the chinks in her armor
a loud mouth on the lady madonna
a short walk to the shit she's hooked onto
a roommate with the best marijuana
and a penchant for making an entrance
an inexpensive high that she mentions
a grin when she's not paying attention
this crush ain't a word, it's a sentence

and she bleeds it like a slit wrist

you know she's not keeping track
you know she's not paying tabs
you know she's not keeping quiet
in the back of a cab
you know she's not good for you
you know she's not all that bad
you know that scorpio shit?
that shit is kind of her jam

a flash-bang in the form of a vision
attacking the floor with precision
a long list of the boys she ain't missing
a short list of the boys she ain't kissing
an impassionate take on impromptu
a mid-afternoon change-up of costume
a quick glance that you get when she's got you
a long look that you get when she wants you

a brief list of her ticks and her habits
a brief list of her tricks and her magic
a brief list of her kicks and her jackets
a brief list of her zits and her blackheads
a brief list of her fits and her racket
a brief list of key-bumps in the bathroom
a brief list of her lips and her neck and her tits and her knees
a brief taste of her kiss if you're asking

and she bleeds it like a split lip
she's a brief list, i wanna read it

not keeping track
you know she's not paying tabs
you know she's not keeping quiet
in the back of a cab
you know she's not good for you
you know she's not all that bad
you know that scorpio shit?
that shit is kind of her jam
Track Name: I'M A DIFFUSER
I'M A DIFFUSER

a new bloody nose, baby i'm talking about coats
five feet worth of south, she's barely seen cold
corkscrew up her back by two diamond blades
she's cohorts with a weapon, she's engaged to be maimed

and i tell her
oh baby, i'm a diffuser

slow mo so low, some low angle grinning
this is my jam: wife-beaters on women

and i tell her
baby, i'm a diffuser
in the game of luck

baby, i'm a diffuser in the game of luck
and i need someone to collect all my blood
to inventory my bones, my teeth and my gums
inventory the window, the oven, the tub
inventory the lies and then what justifies them
inventory the places that i claim that i'm from
to invent and inventory for what i have become

i've become a diffuser
i've become a diffuser
i've become a diffuser
i've become a diffuser
Track Name: HAIR LIKE ROMANS
HAIR LIKE ROMANS

let's cut our hair like romans
let's eat a chapbook
let's drink till day has broken
into four parts
let's build a name for our car
if books should burn communally
if teeth should turn to weaponry
let's have our cloaks and overcoats ready
let's get our cloaks and overcoats ready
Track Name: UH-HUH (ALRIGHT)
UH-HUH (ALRIGHT)

button my lip to save my soul
cut off my face to spite my nose
that’s right
you know you’ve got that right
you know you’re goddamn right
alright, uh-huh

who is this fool singing my song?
got a slack jaw a half-mile long
and that’s wrong
you know you’ve got that wrong
you know you’re goddang wrong
uh-huh, uh-uh
no way, uh-uh, uh-huh

rent my room and sell what i got
call up my friends and tell them i’m not alright
you know i’m not alright
you know it’s not alright
uh-uh, uh-huh
no way, uh-uh, uh-huh
m-mm, m-mm, uh-huh
Track Name: JET BLACK AND BLUEBERRY
JET BLACK AND BLUEBERRY

could you love a sidekick?
no guts, no gridiron, no grit
do you like to mosh pit?
dressed up like an ugly little cossack
as if sadism isn't a violent prospect
with a hairpin teach me how to lock-pick

could you use a side-stitch?
do you name the things that you get high with?
have you met my cousin?
should we get a bite to eat or something?
would you mind much if i don't say nothing?
just staring at your coffee (black) and blueberry muffin

do you want a chorus?
is there room for me inside your taurus?
is there room for me inside your forehead?
i make a decent sidekick but it's not important
Track Name: AND LEARNING TO DIVE
AND LEARNING TO DIVE

they didn't come for that junk
they came to watch us drop our guts and faceplant
here's to a series of unravelling saturday nights

we didn't come to get drunk
we came to kill lights, to kill us & them too
here's to a seriously unravelling version of life

you didn't come here to stalk
you came to break shit and get fucked and woo-hoo
here's to a stereo unravelled in the version you like

i didn't come here to bluff
i came here to fuck myself up on concrete
here's to one cerebral hemorrhage underneath the white lights

she didn't come here to talk
she came to explode like a cut and ooze, too
here's to serial gravel in the treads of her bike

he didn't come here to talk
he came to blow all his bad luck up a tube
here's to cerberus unravelling his claws in my eyes

cuz nobody came here to talk
but they all wanna catch up and boo-hoo
here's to absolutely nothing and learning to dive
Track Name: MAN ENOUGH TO BE YOUR WOMAN
MAN ENOUGH TO BE YOUR WOMAN

might tell you about his neck scar
might tell you about his next car
so don’t mention who your friends are
he could use his two hands to kill another man

but is he man enough to be your woman?

won’t say where he’s driving to
won’t say who is behind you
and don’t mention where the knife’s at
he could lie on the stand or fly to foreign lands

but is he man enough to be your woman?
is he man enough to be your little girl?

can’t say when he’s coming home
can’t say what he’s running from
now, don’t mention this to anyone
he could snap and lose his head or blow it off instead

but is he man enough to be your woman?
is he man enough to be your little girl?
is he man enough to be your woman?
is he man enough to be your lover girl?
is he man enough to be your lady?
is he man enough to be your woman?
is he man enough to be your little girl?
Track Name: SLEEPING ON MY BACK
SLEEPING ON MY BACK

i’m hunted in my sleep, a hundred dead police
it happens when i snore, dad ain’t dead no more
he’s coasting by the scene, a ghost in my machine
i’m sleeping on my back, since when do i do that?

dudes live, dudes die

i’m haunted in my sleep by ordinary things
it happens on the porch, i get the fucking joke

dudes live, dudes die
Track Name: SAVE ME (A DRINK)
SAVE ME (A DRINK)

there's some weird things i could think
kitchen sherry, cooking sink
might hear strange tongues when i speak
you might have to save me a drink

there's some weird shit i could share
a lock of heart, a broken hair
and i'll be praying that you meet me there
hell, i might even save you a beer

1 & 1 & 1 ain't 2
2 & 2 ain't toodle-lou
and if we're wrong & hell is true
i'll be there holding a beer for you

1 & 1 & 1 ain't 2
2 & 2 ain't nothing new
and if we're right & hell has booze
i'll be waiting at the bar for you

2 & 2 ain't 2 & 2
2 & 2 ain't toodle-lou
ah christ, what will the angels think?
god, i guess we'll just save them a drink

there's some weird junk i got past
there's some questions you don't ask
do you think it's fire and smoke?
do you think it's just a christmas joke?
well, when you're dead what's left to think
besides, i hope someone saves me a drink?

1 & 1 & 1 ain't 2
2 & 2 ain'€™t toodle-lou
2 & 2 & 2 is 6 & 6 & 6
it scares the shit
outta folks afraid to sleep
frank, i think i'll have another drink

if yours is real and mine is fake?
that's one weird chance i'll have to take
and if i die before i wake?
i pray the lord my tabs to pay
who knows? she might even save me a drink